So What is This About?

I have been an educator for over 30 years and am currently a Lecturer in the Department of Education in the College of Arts and Sciences at Creighton University. I am co-founder of Discipline With Purpose, Inc., which offers a developmental approach to teaching self-discipline.

Many of the self-discipline skills are critical to effective caregiving. The ability to listen, communicate, resolve problems, initiate solutions, distinguish fact from feeling, and to be of service to others are essential skills a caregiver must learn to perform.

Until last April my personal experience of being a caregiver had been primarily limited to students. As a teacher I was aware of the students’ social, emotional, and intellectual needs and tried to include all of those in the process of educating them.

Now, that has changed. After my family acknowledged that my dad -- who is 92 -- had a mini-stroke and my mom -- who is 91 -- had nerve damage in both ears and the onset of senile dementia, I moved from NE to PA to be near them. Now I am a caregiver to both of them. This experience of caregiving has given me first-hand knowledge of many of the things we write about in our books.

Each day I am aware that the wisdom and insights I gained from Pat, Connie, Roger, and Janaan as we worked together over the last few years has prepared me very well to cope with the day-to-day caregiving process.

When my younger sister spent some time with my mom and witnessed how short-term memory loss has affected her, she remarked, "I don't know if I would have the patience you seem to have." "I do have a lot of patience," I said with confidence.

That confidence is present because I learned that self-awareness of persons with dementia in the early stages of the disease is often highly acute. Often the memory loss is more painful for them than it is for their caregivers, family, and friends.

When frustrated, I remind myself that it is the disease that is causing confusing actions and the actions are not being done on purpose. Most of all, I look for the skills and abilities that remain and find ways to capitalize on them so that my parents’ dignity is not compromised. In the process I feel twice blessed and am so grateful that I can be present to my parents in a meaningful way to help them celebrate their 67 years of married life.